I'm Baaaccckkk.....

So for all of you that may be keeping up with my blog, I apologize that I have been MIA for the past few months. Fall travel has been kicking my butt, but now that I am parked at the American Royal until Saturday, bring on the blogging!

I just returned from Massachusetts yesterday after working Equine Affaire in West Springfield, Massachusetts. It is a HUGE horse expo where people can pick up anything from riding gear to horse feed to adopting a horse! I have only been on a horse twice in my entire life, so having my co-worker Kristen nearby to help answer any horse related questions certainly helped. Enough about the horse world though. On to the real though in my head today.....

By the grace of God I haven't had to endure much airline travel this travel season due to a local territory (Kansas, Northwest Missouri and Nebraska. Thank you boss lady!) However the Southwest flight from Baltimore to Kansas City was a flight from hell thanks to the SPAWN OF THE DEVIL located in row 15, seat B.

I don't think I am the first to admit this, but when I see a parent with child under the age of 5 anywhere near my boarding gate, I cringe. I immediately begin praying that the parent has "accidentally" given that child a dose of Benadryl or something else that will force them to sleep on the plane. I know there are haters out there who say "you are not a parent...you don't know what it is like to travel with a small child." YES...you are correct, but I also know there are plenty of ways to keep a small child occupied. I have been babysitting since the age of 10 and know that it doesn't take much to keep a small child engaged and occupied. My sister and I flew all the time when were were little and our mom always packed a travel bag complete with fun things for us to do. (Granted this was back in the 80's so a coloring book was big time!) We ALWAYS looked forward to getting in the car or on the plane so we could open the bag and find out what was inside! Now a days there are PLENTY of things for kids to play with.... coloring books, story books, board games, Nintendo DS, DVD players with Dora or Bob the Builder, feeding them or resorting to a small dose of Benadryl will do the trick. I know your child means the world to you, but the rest of the occupants on the plane don't think your precious child is so wonderful when they are screaming "I WANT JUICE" 15 times on a 3 hour flight.

The spawn of the devil happened to be on board flight 1589 from Baltimore to Kansas City on November 15, 2010. He was seated 4 rows behind me and he made my life a living hell. He woke me up from a very peaceful nap with his constant screaming "I WANT JUICE" while his brother was screaming something about about wanting crackers. I was only 4 rows ahead of him, but I was ready to get a parachute and jump and or relocate myself to the lavatory for the duration of the flight for some peace and damn quiet! I can't imagine how miserable the people directly around this hell hole felt. At one point I considered dinging the flight attendant light and asking for ear plugs. Thankfully the little diablo shut his hole with about an hour to landing. Of course once we were deplaning the aircraft, I looked over and Satan was sleeping. OF COURSE. I did shoot the mom several dirty looks. I hope she got the message. However if you are reading this blog and know of a single mom traveling with two blonde haired boys on the Southwest flight 1589 from Baltimore to Kansas City....please feel free to forward this blog on to her.

Thoughts on the VMA's

What a night huh? I had high hopes for the VMA's this year, mostly because Chelsea Handler was hosting and I secretly hope to be her. I am not going to lie when I say she sucked and she probably needs to stick to hosting her show on E! From her horrible OBVIOUS hair extensions to her rehearsed humor, I was pretty disappointed. Now on to the show....

• Lindsay Lohan cameo: Honey....no one cares about you anymore. Your cameo was dumb and your career is ruined. High tail it back to rehab and get the serious help you need. Either that or go borrow some "gum" from Paris Hilton to get your name back in the news.

• Usher: In one word...YUMMY. That man can do no wrong. LOVED the set and how he was able to slide down the different levels! SO COOL! He is an amazing dancer and performer. Tamika (whatever her last name was) AKA the ex-wife is probably kicking herself for letting that hot piece get away.

• Justin Bieber: OKAY...so I love this kid. I realize it is probably illegal to love him as he is only 16 or something, but I think he is just precious. With that being said, the fans who probably waited 24 hours to see your "live" concert outside the Nokia theater were instead treated to an amazing dance performance and that is it. Who were you kidding trying to pass that off as a "live performance?" Yes, you had the microphone thing by your mouth, but you were clearly pulling an Ashley Simpson. Nice try.

• Taylor Swift/Kanye controversy: I must commend Taylor and her song. She truly is a class act. She addressed what happened and offered her friendship to the world's largest D.Bag. Then Kanye comes out with what we all expected to be an apology to Miss Swift, but instead it was a song about D. Bags, A-holes and other jerk-offs. WHAT???? I admit I did laugh when I heard the song, but as a fellow pal on Facebook put it..."you call that talent? I beg to differ." I would have to agree. That was total crap. I for one am so tired of Kanye's crap. You had a few good hits back in the day and I can still get down to "Gold digger." Hang it up buddy. You are DONE.

• Lady Gaga: HOT MESS. Enough said. She is truly a weirdo. Anyone that calls themselves a "little monster" probably shops at Hot Topic and also needs help.

• CHER: How amazing was that????? I am not the biggest Cher fan, but to come out in that infamous outfit and to still be able to rock it? She is one bad mamba jamba.
  

Busy as a bee....

I never thought I would say this, but I am SO looking forward to August being over! My life has been so hectic and at times, I seriously thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown! Taking 2 classes, working 40 hours at my full-time job, in addition to a part-time job things were getting nutty. I can honestly say for the first time today, my "to do" list is relatively short! It's a miracle!

Here are some things that have been on my mind:

-College Freshman: I may be single, but NO I do not want to date them. So most of you know that I am a recruiter for a wonderful University here in Missouri. Move-in was on Wednesday and there were many excited, nervous faces that arrived on campus. It made me think about my own freshman year (12 freaking years ago) SWEET JESUS. What a nerve-wracking time, but at the same time I wish I could go back. College goes by SO fast and before you know it, you will be out in the real world, paying real world bills. So take advantage of college now! Treasure the late nights with pals, drunk nights eating pizza in a parking lot and last minute test cramming. God I miss college. Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

-Rain: I got caught in a pretty bad rainstorm this morning. I hate rain and swear in another life I was a cat. When it rains why do people say "well we really needed it." Are you a farmer? Why do people say that? It is just nervous chatter? It is dumb to me. Speaking of weather...if you are a Meteorologist and you can't pronounce your profession correctly (Missouri Meteorologists I am talking to you) then you either need to pick another profession OR you need to start working with a speech pathologist.

-Giuliana Rancic: I would KILL for this woman's job. Reporting on E! News nightly (I would however have to OFF Seacrest) I was sad when she took her married name. DePandi was so much better than Rancic. Anywho...last night while watching E! I noticed she has bangs. They are heinous. Her stylist needs to be fired. Grab a bobby pin and pin those suckers back. No good. While they are busy pinning her hair back, they also need to force feed Giuliana. That woman needs a snack. She looks like a skeleton. Like I said, I have more than enough meat on my bones and I don't have bangs, so I would be a fantastic replacement. Call me E!

Sick Nasty

So I am in class last night and not one, BUT two of my 9 classmates pull out a bag of Corn Nuts and begin chomping away during Accounting class. This classroom is small by the way. Do you not realize the smell of Corn Nuts is so overwhelming and sick nasty? It got me thinking....who eats Corn Nuts these days and second if you choose to eat something that is so smelly, do you not consider who is around you? This has also happened to me when I am flying. I once sat next to a guy who stunk up the whole plane by eating a sausage with sauerkraut dumped all over it. Really? If you choose to eat smelly foods, please do it in the privacy of your own home. I once had a co-worker who brought a "tuna kit" to the lunch table. First I would not eat anything with the word "kit" attached to it and second tuna freaking stinks. Eat it for dinner...in your home. This goes for any sea food really. I enjoy crab legs, but I would never whip out crab legs and drawn butter at the lunch table. People really need to take a food etiquette 101 taught by yours truly.....

Some other thoughts in my head today.....

• Chelsea Clinton's wedding: it must be a SLOW news week when this is making headlines. Chelsea was ugly when she was 12 years old in the White House and she is going to be an ugly bride no matter if she is wearing Vera Wang or Oscar De La Renta. So people need to stop obsessing over this wedding! Sweet Jesus! If nothing else...let's hope she has learned some do's and don't about marriage from her parents. DO get a divorce if your husband gets caught with a slutty intern.....
• My birthday: Yes my birthday is this Saturday. Woo freaking whoo. Another year older. Somehow once you get over the 21 hump birthdays aren't quite as fun as when you were younger. No party at Chuckie Cheese, no Barbie dream house or slumber parties with your friends. It got me thinking about my "grown up" birthday wish list. I would like my student loans paid off, some new curtains for my apartment, a new chair to match my couch and a hot boyfriend who doubles as a chiropractor during the day. I don't have $25 right now to shell out on an adjustment, so it just makes sense to find a man that can fulfill my wish of boyfriend and chiropractor :)
  

Holy Hell

It's been awhile since my last blog! I have been SUPER busy and I apologize to all my loyal fans (all two of you!) Ha Ha. Lots has happened since my last post. I traveled to Orlando, Florida for a work conference and although it was hot as hell and full of small children on the lookout for Mickey Mouse, I survived. I did however need a day of quiet in my apartment once I returned to Columbia!

Since I am obsessed with everything Bravo TV....I am going to do a spin off on this blog entry and copy Andy Cohen in awarding my own"Mazels" and "Jackholes" of my week.

First up....my Mazels:

• Mazel to WWU for getting me an I Phone. I realize this is for job purposes only, but I can already tell this little machine is going to change my life. Now if I can only figure out how to work the damn thing.
• Mazel to the California court system for sticking it to Lindsay Lohan and carting her ass to jail. Although she probably won't serve out the entire 3 months as originally sentenced, watching her march into the court house being sprinkled with gold glitter really made my day. The mug shot was priceless and the constant reports from ET and E! about "what Lindz is eating in jail (rumored bread and butter) is riveting.
• Mazel to Teen Mom: its back and in full force on MTV. Thank you for bringing back another season of full blown white trashiness! From Farrah's mom almost being shot by the Iowa police, to baby Leah climbing around a Health Department exam room, to the most WHITE TRASH Dad EVER...Butch, this season is going to serve up another season of drama and frankly...I can't wait!

Now on to my jackholes of the week:

• Colds: I got a damn cold this week and it totally sucked. Don't you know I have better things to do with my time than be popping Sudafed every 4 to 6 hours, Vitamin C pills and blowing my nose every 2 minutes? Plus I had to go to Wal-Mart and had to go through a background check just to obtain the Sudafed. Do I look like I run a Meth lab out of my house? I know I do live in Missouri, but I do have all my teeth, so that should be an sign that I am probably good to go.
• Eclipse (the movie): So I am now totally obsessed with the Twilight series again. I thought New Moon was disappointing so I sort of boycotted the whole series. Well I read Eclipse while on my Orlando vacay and saw the movie last weekend. The book was definitely better than the movie. This jackhole award really goes out to Kristen Stewart. Can you act any less interested in playing Bella Swan? Seriously???? You get to make out with R. Patts and Taylor Lautner who is even meatier this movie. Get in to your kissing scenes a little more...PLEASE????? Try to act like you care. I stayed up until 12:30 AM to get to the honeymoon scene in Breaking Dawn last night, so you better turn it up. If you would like trade jobs, you are more than welcome to come meet with prospective students and give barn tours. I would gladly make out with Robert Pattinson for you. I'm just saying....
  
• People magazine: I usually love you, but I got my latest mag in the mail yesterday and who is on the cover? Angelina Jolie talking about "her life with Brad." WHO THE HELL CARES?????? We get it PEOPLE. She is married to one hot ass man, has a million children (3 of which are biologically hers) she is good will ambassador and she makes movies. WE GET IT. Stop putting that woman on the cover. Enough is enough.
  

Thoughts for Wednesday

So as I am typing this today my right arm is killing me. Why you might ask? Because my dumb ass decided to play "Extreme Bedroom Makeover" last night and decided to center my bed. Back in May when I moved, I hired a moving company to move my stuff and for some reason they "centered" my bed to the far right of my room. It has looked pretty ridiculous for some time, but I have been way too freaking busy to take the mattress and box springs off the bed frame to move it. Well last night I decided to start this project around 8 PM and I am paying for it now. Hence why I need a man with muscles around to help me. Either that or I need to find a man who happens to be a chiropractor to adjust my body after these "home projects." If you know of any hot, single chiropractors..send them to this blog ASAP!

Some other thoughts on my brain today:

Lindsay Lohan: I laughed my ass off today when I saw footage from her hearing yesterday in court. I loved it when the judge sentenced her to court time and time in a rehab house following jail time and she turned to her lawyer and started crying. You deserve it you dumb bitch. You really thought you were going to get away with this? Setting off your SCRAM bracelet and prancing around France claiming you "lost" your passport? Yeah right! The judge handed it to you yesterday and I am SO excited for July 20th when your sorry ass has to report to jail! Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will have E! news live streaming on my work computer all day!

I am so excited for July 20th since the second season of "Teen Mom" returns. This season will again follow Farrah (who I could care less about) Amber and Gary (who somehow produced and adorable baby considering both Amber and Gary belong on a dump truck) Maci and Ryan (Ryan deserves "Douche Bag Daddy of the Year Award") and Caitlin and Tyler, who in my opinion are role models for all young parents. I admire all of these young moms for raising these babies on their own. I am 30 years old and I am not sure I could do it on my own. I can't wait to see what season 2 has in store! Why am I such a sucker for reality TV?

Things that make me go "HMMMMMM"

For example...the hot mess pictured above. You have all the money in the world, yet you choose to walk out in public looking like this. You look like a cross between a crack whore and Holly Madison (Hugh Hefner's #1 girlfriend from "The Girls Next Door.) Note to you Brit..YOU ARE A MOTHER. You have two young children. Granted this hasn't stopped you in the past from making bad life choices, but I thought you were on a better life path after the divorce from K.Fed and the head shaving incident. Next time take a look in the mirror before you leave your crack den.

Here are some other things that I have recently been pondering....
-Boob tattoos: I am going to put it out there and say I am not a fan of tattoos. I think they are generally trashy and my first thought is "You are going to be 80 years old, sitting in a nursing home with the Chinese symbol for "Love" on your wrist while you gum mashed potatoes since your teeth have fallen out. BUT....out of all tats, the boob tattoo goes down in history as trashy tattoo EVER. What the hell would possess you to whip your breast out on a tattoo table and let some "Tattoo Artist" named Spike color your breast? I once met a radio listener who had the Wal-Mart yellow smiley face on her left and right breast. WTF. She said she got it when she was drunk, but once I caught sight of a missing tooth in her mouth, something told me that was a lie.

-Talon toe nails: Unless you plan on catching your dinner with your toe nails, there is no reason why your toe nails should be long. Toe nails and fingernails are two different things. Fingernails are meant to have length...toes are not. No one wants to see your janky toe nails filed to a pointy point. Keep them short, filed and well groomed. If you have chipped nail polish, you better fix them yourself or call and get yourself a pedicure. I understand it's hot and you want to wear flops, but keep them looking nice!

-Socks and Crocs: They don't go together. What are you trying to protect? Your feet from getting sweaty inside a heinous plastic clog with holes? This combo is especially henious when paired with a pair of shorts. You will typically see this look worn by moms, dads or by anyone shopping at Wal-Mart. This can also be said for any sandal. The words "sock" and "sandal" do not go together, hence why you should not pair it up when you leave the house.

Bad Luck Chuck

This is the name that I have given myself considering my luck the past month. Let's start with 2 speeding tickets within a 2 week time span. AWESOME. As I was driving to work this morning, I heard on the radio that over the weekend, Missouri Law Enforcement gave out 26 speeding tickets this past weekend as part of the new "The Heat is On" program to capture speeders on Missouri highways. Yeah...I was one of the 26. Catchy title to your AWESOME program, but let me give you a tip Missouri law enforcement....why don't you "turn up the heat" and go catch people producing meth, or people beating the crap out of their kids, or pimps, or child molesters? I was going 72 in a 60. WOO HOO. Big frickin' deal.

So now how to deal with these two tickets...well I obviously have to pay them and take some internet course on safe driving. That will help take off the 3 points I racked up with this last ticket. I am pretty much scared sh*tless now every time I get behind the wheel and people are passing me since I have now resorted to driving like a granny. I thought about maybe trying to date a cop in the event I get pulled over in the future I could say "I am Officer Jones wife," they let you off don't they? Then I considered the last two guys that pulled me over and they were ugly as hell, so that is not an option. DANG.

Here are some other things I have been thinking about.....

• Belly Shots: No....I am not referring to body shots, rather pregnant belly shots. I think that being preggers is a beautiful things, however I don't need to see your naked belly all over facebook. Feel free to take those shots and put them in your child's baby book, but please for the sake of others...DON'T POST IT ON FACEBOOK! If you would like to post a covered with a shirt belly shot, that is fine. Just no exposed skin. Thanks.
• Joran Van Der Sloot: So last week this crazy was claiming instead of going to Peru, he should have checked himself into a mental institution. Well you know what Van Der Sloot....it's too late. You killed again and you are in prison, where you belonged in the first place. You are afraid you are going to be killed? Go cry in your dumpy prison hole. NO ONE CARES. In my opinion you deserve to be killed. Maybe now you will know how it feels. Wow I am mean.
  
• My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV: So yesterday while slothing in bed, I happened to catch an episode of this dumb ass show. It was titled "My Super St. Tropez Sixteen" and followed the son of Timberland. This kid was a total jackhole. Demanding a "fly" haircut to go with his Gucci suit and live animals including a tiger and Lil Wayne at his party. Total diva if you ask me, but what I couldn't get over was how bad his skin looked! If your dad is Timberland and you can afford the "Super Duper St. Tropez Sixteen" party, why can't you order some Pro Active? It's only $19.95 which is very affordable. If you are going to be Gucci fly at your party, don't you want your skin to look nice? This kid was a total a-hole.

Well that's all I have for Monday. Remember...."The Heat is On" so watch your speed folks!

Friends

Monday...how I hate thee. I am super tired today, but the sun is out and I had a fab weekend, so I can't complain. I had such a fun time at Jay and Laura Hackett's wedding and it was so great to catch up with the crazy fools pictured above. Being with my best pals from KU got me thinking about friends.

Throughout my 30 years (soon to be 31 years..YIKES!) on this planet I have had many friends. Some that I still keep in touch with and some that I am so happy to have out of my life. I have never understood women that say "I can't have girlfriends because I can't get along with women." In my opinion you have problems. I couldn't imagine my life without my girlfriends! I consider them like sisters! We have been there for one another through life's ups and down from marriages, moves, babies, engagements, tears, breakups and many more of the wacky things that life has thrown our way. I treasure my girlfriends and couldn't imagine my life without them!

On the flip side, there are also friends who I no longer speak to and you also know who you are. They say friendship is a two way street and for whatever reason you have decided not to start your car and drive down the street to see how I have been. I will not be your friend when it is convenient for you or when you need something from me. For whatever reason, you came into my life and you have taught me a lesson and for that I thank you. You can stay parked in your garage. I have plenty of other friends to surround myself with.

I am sure there will be many other friends I will come across throughout the years, but there are a certain few that I will hold close to my heart, including the ones pictured above. I love you ladies and the people who brought us together including the following: Amy Duffer, Brett Norman, KU Marching Band and last but not least...THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS!!! ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK....GO KU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday Thoughts

Happy Friday y'all! I am so excited the weekend is almost here! I am headed to KC tomorrow to see Jay and Laura tie the knot! So excited for two reasons...one to see them tie the knot and two..this is my last wedding until September! I am also going to see my Dad on Father's Day and I am excited to have brunch with my whole family! LOVE YOU DAD!

Here are some of the things I have been pondering lately:

• Fireworks stands: How do they operate year round? I get that they are busy around the 4th of July, but how can they operate year round? Who buys fireworks in March? A co-worker of mine said maybe they sell drugs out of the fireworks shop? I am still pondering this one...
• Starbucks: I love me a grande latte, but why are they all different? Sometimes when I order this drink it is filled to the brim and other times it is full of foam. Get it right barista. When I am ordering a drink that is almost $4, please make sure it is full. THANKS.
• Facials: So I just cashed in on my facial gift certificate that my sister gave me almost a year ago for my birthday. I had to use it before the June 30th expiration date. It was amazing and it was SO RELAXING. However when I asked how often one should get a facial, she said once a month. Excuse me? Who can afford $100 every month on a facial? (**Note to self...find a sugar daddy)
• Speeding tickets: They suck and I got one this week for $115. I was on my way to Mediacom to return my janky DVR box that wouldn't record my shows (so I partly blame my ticket on Mediacom :) The cop was nice and said he "would have me on my way in no time." This lead me to believe that I was getting a warning so I was sweet with him. When he came back with a $115 ticket, the tables turned and I channeled the devil. I was really mean to him and it got me thinking...it must suck to have a profession were people generally hate you. Thanks for protecting me from killers and rapers, but keep your radar gun in your glove box. I will probably be aware of how fast I am going for about the next week, but then it will be right back to pedal to the medal.
  
• Lastly....as my mama once said "never put anything in writing." I always keep this in the back of my head when I want to rip someone a new one or tell them off. Once you put something in writing, whether it be a letter, EMAIL or text it is in writing and it is there forever. So double check before you hit send or make sure to delete your inbox, sent and deleted items before you get fired.
  

Saturday Shenanigans

So it is currently 2:47 PM and I need a nap. Saturday's are normally a day that I reserve for strictly slothing around, catching up on missed episodes of The Hills, Real Housewives of NJ and NY and the occasional "edited for time" movie on Oxygen or Lifetime. However this Saturday, June 12th started out very different.

My cousin Ali is getting married today in Omaha, NE. I couldn't be happier for her! Although I haven't seen her in a few years (due to living apart in various states) Ali, her sister Nikki, my sister Andrea and I pretty much kicked it most of our childhood and adolescent years. Our mom's are sisters and we are all conveniently one year apart in age. I remember many play dates during the holidays at the Grandparents Mitzlaff as well as the "summer swap" where we would stay with them for a week at their house in Omaha, NE and they would stay one week with us in Lincoln, NE, where Ali would always end up "falling" in the green sludge in the creepy creek my mom let us play in. This all took place during the 80's where no one really talked about child molesters and creepers....if people would have been talking about this then, we probably wouldn't have been allowed to play in the creek because it was creepy and Chris Hansen and the gang of "To Catch a Predator" probably would have been camped out. Anywho....we go way back and there is NO way I am missing this wedding! Plus as a bonus it is an opportunity to get together with my mom's side of the family. It should be fun time knowing the cast of characters...especially if there is an open bar......

So my day starts off at 8 AM driving to meet my parents in Parkville, MO so I don't have to drive the 5 hours to Omaha from Columbia, MO by myself. It is freaking POURING DOWN rain when my Mom and Dad pull up next to me. I look over and see my mom getting out of the car to "help" with a small umbrella with Walmart smiley faces all over it. Meanwhile, Dad is parked nice and dry behind the wheel, not lifting a damn finger to help. I finally tell my Mom to get her ass back in the car while I shove everything in the backseat. Once in the car, I take a wiff and the car smells like a foot. My father has decided this is the day he is going to eat smoky beef jerky and smoked almonds...TOGETHER. WTF?!!! Anyone who knows my Dad, knows he is a workout freak and generally takes care of body. Why he picked THIS DAY of all rainy days in a small 2010 Toyota Corolla to eat these two random foods...I will never know.

Once we arrive in Omaha, my parents had to jet to another wedding and I am at the hotel until it is time to leave for my cousin's wedding. Great! This will leave me time to blog and time to catch up on my new PEOPLE magazine. I am starving at this point because in true father Glatz fashion....he never stopped for lunch. He did manage to get something to eat at a SICK NASTY gas station where I was leery of even going to the bathroom, yet he managed to eat a slice of supreme pizza. (Again...note...my father's sick eating habits.)

Thanks to my handy laptop, I GOOGLE and find there is a Subway down the block from our hotel. It's not too hot outside, so I make my way down the street. I enter the Subway and find a guy in a wife beater who is screaming "I just found a LONG piece of your black hair in my footlong sub (while point to a certified Sandwich Artist with the black hair.) Ask them (pointing to his friends) That was SO sick." At this point I had made it to the "order" station where I promptly turned around and walked out.

Let's hope this day of food gets better and here's to hoping there is an open bar at this wedding reception....Congrats Ali and John!

Collaboration of Random Thoughts.....

Here are a few of the goodies that have been bouncing around in my head:

• Lindsay Lohan: In one word. HOT MESS. No one spilled alcohol on your SCRAM bracelet after the MTV Movie Awards. You drank like a fish and you set off your damn SCRAM bracelet. I wish the legal system treated celebs like the rest of us. If that was the case LL's ass would have been in jail along time ago.

• Panera Bread Company: AMAZING. I had it for dinner last night and the new Tomato/Basil summer salad is pretty much to die for. Try it. You won't regret it.

• Summer = Shirtless: I have seen so many , nasty, long haired men lately with their shirts off. I understand it is warm out, but unless you look like Mark Walberg in his Calvin Klein underwear days, put your shirt on. And take a walk to Snip-N-Clip and get your hair cut.

• Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang, Bang: As a HUGE fan and nightly viewer of Chelsea Lately on E! I thought this book would be hilarious and amazing. Sadly, it is not. I did however make it to chapter 6 last night and I did find myself laughing out loud. I have been reassured by a coworker that chapter 7 requires a Depends diaper. I plan on reading it tonight!

• I want Sirius Radio for my car. I realize I should be supporting my friends who work on live stations here in Columbia/Jefferson City, but I love Sirius. It is pretty much amazing and has changed my life during travel season. Every time I get in my car to commute home I wish I would hit the lotto so I could buy it. (HINT...HINT to all who are looking to get me a present for my birthday July 31st!)
  

From where I am sitting

So the other day I was tooling around town in my Toyota Corolla on my way to Kohl's when I came to a stoplight at Stadium and Forum in Columbia, MO. I was sitting in the car (AC cranked up) and probably singing to Justin Bieber on the radio when I happened to glance at the car in front of me. In front of me was a red Chevy truck with a bumper sticker on the back that said "Happiness is a Bloody Tailgate." My first thought was "what the hell???" But when I glanced up at the back window there was a sticker of a deer head and the words "Head Hunter." Clever. (I do live in Missouri.) So from reading your $3.00 stickers I now know you are a hunter, but why must you advertise this on the back of your redneck truck? "Happiness is a Bloody Tailgate?" REALLY???? Am I the only one that finds this disturbing? I didn't grow up in a hunting household, so maybe I just don't get it, but it got me thinking of all the stupid crap that people put on their car to "decorate" it.

I personally don't see the need to clutter the back of one's car. You paid $20,000 or more for the piece of metal, why decorate it with a $1.50 piece of crap? It got me thinking to other random things I have seen on the back of a car that have made me say "WTF?"

• AAA sticker: That is great that you have AAA. I have it as well. I also have a AAA card that stays in my wallet should the need arrive for a tow or assistance with a flat tire. I don't need to display the free AAA sticker on my bumper. I realize this may be limited to old people, but upon further research, I have seen several young people with this sticker. Maybe the car was a hand-me-down from granny?
  

• Calvin (the cartoon character) pissing on Ford, Chevy, Dodge...etc..etc. First of all, if you still read Calvin and Hobbs you need mental help and second of all if you really care THAT much about which brand of car you are driving, you might need help as well.

• "In memory of" stickers: First let me say I am sorry for your loss, but why must you commemorate your loved one by putting their name, date of birth and date of death on your car? I think this is plain creepy. There are plenty of ways to remember your loved one and on the back window of your car is not one. (**On a side note, my mom mentioned this is a cheaper option than a headstone. Good thinking Mom!)

• The stick figure family: Why? Why do I need to see Dad, Mom, three children and a dog stick figure in the back window of your mini-van? Isn't it bad enough you are driving a mini-van? Why must you trash it with dumb stick figures of your family? Is this to let us know who is riding in your car? Am I supposed to care?
  

I know this list doesn't even BEGIN to skim the surface of all the other dumb bumper stickers that are out on the streets today. When it comes to my car...I am keeping it clean and sticker free!

It has been awhile......

So it has been awhile (almost a month!) since my last blog. I have been a busy gal. I moved (YEAH!) and now have my own apartment. I LOVE IT!!!!! I am currently awaiting on a couch, but other than that my apartment is slowly, but surely coming along!

Seeing that almost a month has gone by....I have LOTS of things to comment on, so let's begin:

1.Summer time = HOT. I get it. But just because it is getting warmer outside ladies does not mean that you can leave your bras at home. I understand that you may want to ditch your sweatshirts and long sleeved shirts, but PLEASE wear a bra. I beg you. Now mind you the "bra-less" ladies I speak of have all been spotted at Wal-mart which I know is not the classiest of establishments, but NO ONE wants to see your cantaloupe sized breasts unleashed. Thank you.

2. Hollywood baby boom: It seems that everyone in Hollywood is preggers! And they are OLD!!! Kelly Preston, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion! Gives me open that I too will be able to get preggers late in life since I currently have no man in my life and I to will more than likely join the "old lady preggers club."

3. The Kardashians back on E! this summer: Okay...so if you know me, you know I LOVE reality television! I am SO excited that Khloe and Kourtney will be back this summer raising hell in Miami. This season they will be throwing in baby Mason (who is FREAKING adorable) and Kourtney's douche bag baby daddy Scott (not so adorable.) I saw on E! News last night he has an alcohol problem? Great! Even more DRAMA to add! ON A SIDE NOTE: Rumor is that Khloe is now preggers? Great! I see "Keeping up with the Kardashians" being picked up for another season.....

4. Sex and the City 2: In one word HORRIBLE. WORST MOVIE EVER! I find the people that are saying the movie was good, never watched the series. If you are a die-hard like me, the movie in comparison to the series sucked majorly! When Shrek 4 and Prince of Persia beat you in the movie ratings, you know you have a problem.

That seems to be all for today! I promise to pay more attention to my blog now that things have slowed down!