Bad Luck Chuck

This is the name that I have given myself considering my luck the past month. Let's start with 2 speeding tickets within a 2 week time span. AWESOME. As I was driving to work this morning, I heard on the radio that over the weekend, Missouri Law Enforcement gave out 26 speeding tickets this past weekend as part of the new "The Heat is On" program to capture speeders on Missouri highways. Yeah...I was one of the 26. Catchy title to your AWESOME program, but let me give you a tip Missouri law enforcement....why don't you "turn up the heat" and go catch people producing meth, or people beating the crap out of their kids, or pimps, or child molesters? I was going 72 in a 60. WOO HOO. Big frickin' deal.

So now how to deal with these two tickets...well I obviously have to pay them and take some internet course on safe driving. That will help take off the 3 points I racked up with this last ticket. I am pretty much scared sh*tless now every time I get behind the wheel and people are passing me since I have now resorted to driving like a granny. I thought about maybe trying to date a cop in the event I get pulled over in the future I could say "I am Officer Jones wife," they let you off don't they? Then I considered the last two guys that pulled me over and they were ugly as hell, so that is not an option. DANG.

Here are some other things I have been thinking about.....

• Belly Shots: No....I am not referring to body shots, rather pregnant belly shots. I think that being preggers is a beautiful things, however I don't need to see your naked belly all over facebook. Feel free to take those shots and put them in your child's baby book, but please for the sake of others...DON'T POST IT ON FACEBOOK! If you would like to post a covered with a shirt belly shot, that is fine. Just no exposed skin. Thanks.
• Joran Van Der Sloot: So last week this crazy was claiming instead of going to Peru, he should have checked himself into a mental institution. Well you know what Van Der Sloot....it's too late. You killed again and you are in prison, where you belonged in the first place. You are afraid you are going to be killed? Go cry in your dumpy prison hole. NO ONE CARES. In my opinion you deserve to be killed. Maybe now you will know how it feels. Wow I am mean.
  
• My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV: So yesterday while slothing in bed, I happened to catch an episode of this dumb ass show. It was titled "My Super St. Tropez Sixteen" and followed the son of Timberland. This kid was a total jackhole. Demanding a "fly" haircut to go with his Gucci suit and live animals including a tiger and Lil Wayne at his party. Total diva if you ask me, but what I couldn't get over was how bad his skin looked! If your dad is Timberland and you can afford the "Super Duper St. Tropez Sixteen" party, why can't you order some Pro Active? It's only $19.95 which is very affordable. If you are going to be Gucci fly at your party, don't you want your skin to look nice? This kid was a total a-hole.

Well that's all I have for Monday. Remember...."The Heat is On" so watch your speed folks!

Friends

Monday...how I hate thee. I am super tired today, but the sun is out and I had a fab weekend, so I can't complain. I had such a fun time at Jay and Laura Hackett's wedding and it was so great to catch up with the crazy fools pictured above. Being with my best pals from KU got me thinking about friends.

Throughout my 30 years (soon to be 31 years..YIKES!) on this planet I have had many friends. Some that I still keep in touch with and some that I am so happy to have out of my life. I have never understood women that say "I can't have girlfriends because I can't get along with women." In my opinion you have problems. I couldn't imagine my life without my girlfriends! I consider them like sisters! We have been there for one another through life's ups and down from marriages, moves, babies, engagements, tears, breakups and many more of the wacky things that life has thrown our way. I treasure my girlfriends and couldn't imagine my life without them!

On the flip side, there are also friends who I no longer speak to and you also know who you are. They say friendship is a two way street and for whatever reason you have decided not to start your car and drive down the street to see how I have been. I will not be your friend when it is convenient for you or when you need something from me. For whatever reason, you came into my life and you have taught me a lesson and for that I thank you. You can stay parked in your garage. I have plenty of other friends to surround myself with.

I am sure there will be many other friends I will come across throughout the years, but there are a certain few that I will hold close to my heart, including the ones pictured above. I love you ladies and the people who brought us together including the following: Amy Duffer, Brett Norman, KU Marching Band and last but not least...THE UNIVERSITY OF KANSAS!!! ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK....GO KU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday Thoughts

Happy Friday y'all! I am so excited the weekend is almost here! I am headed to KC tomorrow to see Jay and Laura tie the knot! So excited for two reasons...one to see them tie the knot and two..this is my last wedding until September! I am also going to see my Dad on Father's Day and I am excited to have brunch with my whole family! LOVE YOU DAD!

Here are some of the things I have been pondering lately:

• Fireworks stands: How do they operate year round? I get that they are busy around the 4th of July, but how can they operate year round? Who buys fireworks in March? A co-worker of mine said maybe they sell drugs out of the fireworks shop? I am still pondering this one...
• Starbucks: I love me a grande latte, but why are they all different? Sometimes when I order this drink it is filled to the brim and other times it is full of foam. Get it right barista. When I am ordering a drink that is almost $4, please make sure it is full. THANKS.
• Facials: So I just cashed in on my facial gift certificate that my sister gave me almost a year ago for my birthday. I had to use it before the June 30th expiration date. It was amazing and it was SO RELAXING. However when I asked how often one should get a facial, she said once a month. Excuse me? Who can afford $100 every month on a facial? (**Note to self...find a sugar daddy)
• Speeding tickets: They suck and I got one this week for $115. I was on my way to Mediacom to return my janky DVR box that wouldn't record my shows (so I partly blame my ticket on Mediacom :) The cop was nice and said he "would have me on my way in no time." This lead me to believe that I was getting a warning so I was sweet with him. When he came back with a $115 ticket, the tables turned and I channeled the devil. I was really mean to him and it got me thinking...it must suck to have a profession were people generally hate you. Thanks for protecting me from killers and rapers, but keep your radar gun in your glove box. I will probably be aware of how fast I am going for about the next week, but then it will be right back to pedal to the medal.
  
• Lastly....as my mama once said "never put anything in writing." I always keep this in the back of my head when I want to rip someone a new one or tell them off. Once you put something in writing, whether it be a letter, EMAIL or text it is in writing and it is there forever. So double check before you hit send or make sure to delete your inbox, sent and deleted items before you get fired.
  

Saturday Shenanigans

So it is currently 2:47 PM and I need a nap. Saturday's are normally a day that I reserve for strictly slothing around, catching up on missed episodes of The Hills, Real Housewives of NJ and NY and the occasional "edited for time" movie on Oxygen or Lifetime. However this Saturday, June 12th started out very different.

My cousin Ali is getting married today in Omaha, NE. I couldn't be happier for her! Although I haven't seen her in a few years (due to living apart in various states) Ali, her sister Nikki, my sister Andrea and I pretty much kicked it most of our childhood and adolescent years. Our mom's are sisters and we are all conveniently one year apart in age. I remember many play dates during the holidays at the Grandparents Mitzlaff as well as the "summer swap" where we would stay with them for a week at their house in Omaha, NE and they would stay one week with us in Lincoln, NE, where Ali would always end up "falling" in the green sludge in the creepy creek my mom let us play in. This all took place during the 80's where no one really talked about child molesters and creepers....if people would have been talking about this then, we probably wouldn't have been allowed to play in the creek because it was creepy and Chris Hansen and the gang of "To Catch a Predator" probably would have been camped out. Anywho....we go way back and there is NO way I am missing this wedding! Plus as a bonus it is an opportunity to get together with my mom's side of the family. It should be fun time knowing the cast of characters...especially if there is an open bar......

So my day starts off at 8 AM driving to meet my parents in Parkville, MO so I don't have to drive the 5 hours to Omaha from Columbia, MO by myself. It is freaking POURING DOWN rain when my Mom and Dad pull up next to me. I look over and see my mom getting out of the car to "help" with a small umbrella with Walmart smiley faces all over it. Meanwhile, Dad is parked nice and dry behind the wheel, not lifting a damn finger to help. I finally tell my Mom to get her ass back in the car while I shove everything in the backseat. Once in the car, I take a wiff and the car smells like a foot. My father has decided this is the day he is going to eat smoky beef jerky and smoked almonds...TOGETHER. WTF?!!! Anyone who knows my Dad, knows he is a workout freak and generally takes care of body. Why he picked THIS DAY of all rainy days in a small 2010 Toyota Corolla to eat these two random foods...I will never know.

Once we arrive in Omaha, my parents had to jet to another wedding and I am at the hotel until it is time to leave for my cousin's wedding. Great! This will leave me time to blog and time to catch up on my new PEOPLE magazine. I am starving at this point because in true father Glatz fashion....he never stopped for lunch. He did manage to get something to eat at a SICK NASTY gas station where I was leery of even going to the bathroom, yet he managed to eat a slice of supreme pizza. (Again...note...my father's sick eating habits.)

Thanks to my handy laptop, I GOOGLE and find there is a Subway down the block from our hotel. It's not too hot outside, so I make my way down the street. I enter the Subway and find a guy in a wife beater who is screaming "I just found a LONG piece of your black hair in my footlong sub (while point to a certified Sandwich Artist with the black hair.) Ask them (pointing to his friends) That was SO sick." At this point I had made it to the "order" station where I promptly turned around and walked out.

Let's hope this day of food gets better and here's to hoping there is an open bar at this wedding reception....Congrats Ali and John!

Collaboration of Random Thoughts.....

Here are a few of the goodies that have been bouncing around in my head:

• Lindsay Lohan: In one word. HOT MESS. No one spilled alcohol on your SCRAM bracelet after the MTV Movie Awards. You drank like a fish and you set off your damn SCRAM bracelet. I wish the legal system treated celebs like the rest of us. If that was the case LL's ass would have been in jail along time ago.

• Panera Bread Company: AMAZING. I had it for dinner last night and the new Tomato/Basil summer salad is pretty much to die for. Try it. You won't regret it.

• Summer = Shirtless: I have seen so many , nasty, long haired men lately with their shirts off. I understand it is warm out, but unless you look like Mark Walberg in his Calvin Klein underwear days, put your shirt on. And take a walk to Snip-N-Clip and get your hair cut.

• Chelsea, Chelsea, Bang, Bang: As a HUGE fan and nightly viewer of Chelsea Lately on E! I thought this book would be hilarious and amazing. Sadly, it is not. I did however make it to chapter 6 last night and I did find myself laughing out loud. I have been reassured by a coworker that chapter 7 requires a Depends diaper. I plan on reading it tonight!

• I want Sirius Radio for my car. I realize I should be supporting my friends who work on live stations here in Columbia/Jefferson City, but I love Sirius. It is pretty much amazing and has changed my life during travel season. Every time I get in my car to commute home I wish I would hit the lotto so I could buy it. (HINT...HINT to all who are looking to get me a present for my birthday July 31st!)
  

From where I am sitting

So the other day I was tooling around town in my Toyota Corolla on my way to Kohl's when I came to a stoplight at Stadium and Forum in Columbia, MO. I was sitting in the car (AC cranked up) and probably singing to Justin Bieber on the radio when I happened to glance at the car in front of me. In front of me was a red Chevy truck with a bumper sticker on the back that said "Happiness is a Bloody Tailgate." My first thought was "what the hell???" But when I glanced up at the back window there was a sticker of a deer head and the words "Head Hunter." Clever. (I do live in Missouri.) So from reading your $3.00 stickers I now know you are a hunter, but why must you advertise this on the back of your redneck truck? "Happiness is a Bloody Tailgate?" REALLY???? Am I the only one that finds this disturbing? I didn't grow up in a hunting household, so maybe I just don't get it, but it got me thinking of all the stupid crap that people put on their car to "decorate" it.

I personally don't see the need to clutter the back of one's car. You paid $20,000 or more for the piece of metal, why decorate it with a $1.50 piece of crap? It got me thinking to other random things I have seen on the back of a car that have made me say "WTF?"

• AAA sticker: That is great that you have AAA. I have it as well. I also have a AAA card that stays in my wallet should the need arrive for a tow or assistance with a flat tire. I don't need to display the free AAA sticker on my bumper. I realize this may be limited to old people, but upon further research, I have seen several young people with this sticker. Maybe the car was a hand-me-down from granny?
  

• Calvin (the cartoon character) pissing on Ford, Chevy, Dodge...etc..etc. First of all, if you still read Calvin and Hobbs you need mental help and second of all if you really care THAT much about which brand of car you are driving, you might need help as well.

• "In memory of" stickers: First let me say I am sorry for your loss, but why must you commemorate your loved one by putting their name, date of birth and date of death on your car? I think this is plain creepy. There are plenty of ways to remember your loved one and on the back window of your car is not one. (**On a side note, my mom mentioned this is a cheaper option than a headstone. Good thinking Mom!)

• The stick figure family: Why? Why do I need to see Dad, Mom, three children and a dog stick figure in the back window of your mini-van? Isn't it bad enough you are driving a mini-van? Why must you trash it with dumb stick figures of your family? Is this to let us know who is riding in your car? Am I supposed to care?
  

I know this list doesn't even BEGIN to skim the surface of all the other dumb bumper stickers that are out on the streets today. When it comes to my car...I am keeping it clean and sticker free!

It has been awhile......

So it has been awhile (almost a month!) since my last blog. I have been a busy gal. I moved (YEAH!) and now have my own apartment. I LOVE IT!!!!! I am currently awaiting on a couch, but other than that my apartment is slowly, but surely coming along!

Seeing that almost a month has gone by....I have LOTS of things to comment on, so let's begin:

1.Summer time = HOT. I get it. But just because it is getting warmer outside ladies does not mean that you can leave your bras at home. I understand that you may want to ditch your sweatshirts and long sleeved shirts, but PLEASE wear a bra. I beg you. Now mind you the "bra-less" ladies I speak of have all been spotted at Wal-mart which I know is not the classiest of establishments, but NO ONE wants to see your cantaloupe sized breasts unleashed. Thank you.

2. Hollywood baby boom: It seems that everyone in Hollywood is preggers! And they are OLD!!! Kelly Preston, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion! Gives me open that I too will be able to get preggers late in life since I currently have no man in my life and I to will more than likely join the "old lady preggers club."

3. The Kardashians back on E! this summer: Okay...so if you know me, you know I LOVE reality television! I am SO excited that Khloe and Kourtney will be back this summer raising hell in Miami. This season they will be throwing in baby Mason (who is FREAKING adorable) and Kourtney's douche bag baby daddy Scott (not so adorable.) I saw on E! News last night he has an alcohol problem? Great! Even more DRAMA to add! ON A SIDE NOTE: Rumor is that Khloe is now preggers? Great! I see "Keeping up with the Kardashians" being picked up for another season.....

4. Sex and the City 2: In one word HORRIBLE. WORST MOVIE EVER! I find the people that are saying the movie was good, never watched the series. If you are a die-hard like me, the movie in comparison to the series sucked majorly! When Shrek 4 and Prince of Persia beat you in the movie ratings, you know you have a problem.

That seems to be all for today! I promise to pay more attention to my blog now that things have slowed down!