Sick Nasty

So I am in class last night and not one, BUT two of my 9 classmates pull out a bag of Corn Nuts and begin chomping away during Accounting class. This classroom is small by the way. Do you not realize the smell of Corn Nuts is so overwhelming and sick nasty? It got me thinking....who eats Corn Nuts these days and second if you choose to eat something that is so smelly, do you not consider who is around you? This has also happened to me when I am flying. I once sat next to a guy who stunk up the whole plane by eating a sausage with sauerkraut dumped all over it. Really? If you choose to eat smelly foods, please do it in the privacy of your own home. I once had a co-worker who brought a "tuna kit" to the lunch table. First I would not eat anything with the word "kit" attached to it and second tuna freaking stinks. Eat it for dinner...in your home. This goes for any sea food really. I enjoy crab legs, but I would never whip out crab legs and drawn butter at the lunch table. People really need to take a food etiquette 101 taught by yours truly.....

Some other thoughts in my head today.....

• Chelsea Clinton's wedding: it must be a SLOW news week when this is making headlines. Chelsea was ugly when she was 12 years old in the White House and she is going to be an ugly bride no matter if she is wearing Vera Wang or Oscar De La Renta. So people need to stop obsessing over this wedding! Sweet Jesus! If nothing else...let's hope she has learned some do's and don't about marriage from her parents. DO get a divorce if your husband gets caught with a slutty intern.....
• My birthday: Yes my birthday is this Saturday. Woo freaking whoo. Another year older. Somehow once you get over the 21 hump birthdays aren't quite as fun as when you were younger. No party at Chuckie Cheese, no Barbie dream house or slumber parties with your friends. It got me thinking about my "grown up" birthday wish list. I would like my student loans paid off, some new curtains for my apartment, a new chair to match my couch and a hot boyfriend who doubles as a chiropractor during the day. I don't have $25 right now to shell out on an adjustment, so it just makes sense to find a man that can fulfill my wish of boyfriend and chiropractor :)
  

Holy Hell

It's been awhile since my last blog! I have been SUPER busy and I apologize to all my loyal fans (all two of you!) Ha Ha. Lots has happened since my last post. I traveled to Orlando, Florida for a work conference and although it was hot as hell and full of small children on the lookout for Mickey Mouse, I survived. I did however need a day of quiet in my apartment once I returned to Columbia!

Since I am obsessed with everything Bravo TV....I am going to do a spin off on this blog entry and copy Andy Cohen in awarding my own"Mazels" and "Jackholes" of my week.

First up....my Mazels:

• Mazel to WWU for getting me an I Phone. I realize this is for job purposes only, but I can already tell this little machine is going to change my life. Now if I can only figure out how to work the damn thing.
• Mazel to the California court system for sticking it to Lindsay Lohan and carting her ass to jail. Although she probably won't serve out the entire 3 months as originally sentenced, watching her march into the court house being sprinkled with gold glitter really made my day. The mug shot was priceless and the constant reports from ET and E! about "what Lindz is eating in jail (rumored bread and butter) is riveting.
• Mazel to Teen Mom: its back and in full force on MTV. Thank you for bringing back another season of full blown white trashiness! From Farrah's mom almost being shot by the Iowa police, to baby Leah climbing around a Health Department exam room, to the most WHITE TRASH Dad EVER...Butch, this season is going to serve up another season of drama and frankly...I can't wait!

Now on to my jackholes of the week:

• Colds: I got a damn cold this week and it totally sucked. Don't you know I have better things to do with my time than be popping Sudafed every 4 to 6 hours, Vitamin C pills and blowing my nose every 2 minutes? Plus I had to go to Wal-Mart and had to go through a background check just to obtain the Sudafed. Do I look like I run a Meth lab out of my house? I know I do live in Missouri, but I do have all my teeth, so that should be an sign that I am probably good to go.
• Eclipse (the movie): So I am now totally obsessed with the Twilight series again. I thought New Moon was disappointing so I sort of boycotted the whole series. Well I read Eclipse while on my Orlando vacay and saw the movie last weekend. The book was definitely better than the movie. This jackhole award really goes out to Kristen Stewart. Can you act any less interested in playing Bella Swan? Seriously???? You get to make out with R. Patts and Taylor Lautner who is even meatier this movie. Get in to your kissing scenes a little more...PLEASE????? Try to act like you care. I stayed up until 12:30 AM to get to the honeymoon scene in Breaking Dawn last night, so you better turn it up. If you would like trade jobs, you are more than welcome to come meet with prospective students and give barn tours. I would gladly make out with Robert Pattinson for you. I'm just saying....
  
• People magazine: I usually love you, but I got my latest mag in the mail yesterday and who is on the cover? Angelina Jolie talking about "her life with Brad." WHO THE HELL CARES?????? We get it PEOPLE. She is married to one hot ass man, has a million children (3 of which are biologically hers) she is good will ambassador and she makes movies. WE GET IT. Stop putting that woman on the cover. Enough is enough.
  

Thoughts for Wednesday

So as I am typing this today my right arm is killing me. Why you might ask? Because my dumb ass decided to play "Extreme Bedroom Makeover" last night and decided to center my bed. Back in May when I moved, I hired a moving company to move my stuff and for some reason they "centered" my bed to the far right of my room. It has looked pretty ridiculous for some time, but I have been way too freaking busy to take the mattress and box springs off the bed frame to move it. Well last night I decided to start this project around 8 PM and I am paying for it now. Hence why I need a man with muscles around to help me. Either that or I need to find a man who happens to be a chiropractor to adjust my body after these "home projects." If you know of any hot, single chiropractors..send them to this blog ASAP!

Some other thoughts on my brain today:

Lindsay Lohan: I laughed my ass off today when I saw footage from her hearing yesterday in court. I loved it when the judge sentenced her to court time and time in a rehab house following jail time and she turned to her lawyer and started crying. You deserve it you dumb bitch. You really thought you were going to get away with this? Setting off your SCRAM bracelet and prancing around France claiming you "lost" your passport? Yeah right! The judge handed it to you yesterday and I am SO excited for July 20th when your sorry ass has to report to jail! Can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will have E! news live streaming on my work computer all day!

I am so excited for July 20th since the second season of "Teen Mom" returns. This season will again follow Farrah (who I could care less about) Amber and Gary (who somehow produced and adorable baby considering both Amber and Gary belong on a dump truck) Maci and Ryan (Ryan deserves "Douche Bag Daddy of the Year Award") and Caitlin and Tyler, who in my opinion are role models for all young parents. I admire all of these young moms for raising these babies on their own. I am 30 years old and I am not sure I could do it on my own. I can't wait to see what season 2 has in store! Why am I such a sucker for reality TV?

Things that make me go "HMMMMMM"

For example...the hot mess pictured above. You have all the money in the world, yet you choose to walk out in public looking like this. You look like a cross between a crack whore and Holly Madison (Hugh Hefner's #1 girlfriend from "The Girls Next Door.) Note to you Brit..YOU ARE A MOTHER. You have two young children. Granted this hasn't stopped you in the past from making bad life choices, but I thought you were on a better life path after the divorce from K.Fed and the head shaving incident. Next time take a look in the mirror before you leave your crack den.

Here are some other things that I have recently been pondering....
-Boob tattoos: I am going to put it out there and say I am not a fan of tattoos. I think they are generally trashy and my first thought is "You are going to be 80 years old, sitting in a nursing home with the Chinese symbol for "Love" on your wrist while you gum mashed potatoes since your teeth have fallen out. BUT....out of all tats, the boob tattoo goes down in history as trashy tattoo EVER. What the hell would possess you to whip your breast out on a tattoo table and let some "Tattoo Artist" named Spike color your breast? I once met a radio listener who had the Wal-Mart yellow smiley face on her left and right breast. WTF. She said she got it when she was drunk, but once I caught sight of a missing tooth in her mouth, something told me that was a lie.

-Talon toe nails: Unless you plan on catching your dinner with your toe nails, there is no reason why your toe nails should be long. Toe nails and fingernails are two different things. Fingernails are meant to have length...toes are not. No one wants to see your janky toe nails filed to a pointy point. Keep them short, filed and well groomed. If you have chipped nail polish, you better fix them yourself or call and get yourself a pedicure. I understand it's hot and you want to wear flops, but keep them looking nice!

-Socks and Crocs: They don't go together. What are you trying to protect? Your feet from getting sweaty inside a heinous plastic clog with holes? This combo is especially henious when paired with a pair of shorts. You will typically see this look worn by moms, dads or by anyone shopping at Wal-Mart. This can also be said for any sandal. The words "sock" and "sandal" do not go together, hence why you should not pair it up when you leave the house.